


Words Left Unsaid

by ruenesca



Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transform - Fandom - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, M/M, Unresolved Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 05:06:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5696116
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruenesca/pseuds/ruenesca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drift pays his respects to the mech who helped him change his life for the better. If only he had realized that millennia ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words Left Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Transformers fanfiction ever. (So please be gentle) I know this type of story has been done before but I mainly wrote it because I was in an angsty kind of mood and I wanted to practice my writing. This story takes place after Empire of Stone. Ratchet and Drift just made a little detour before heading back to The Lost Light. I am also sorry for any grammatical errors in this story. Hopefully Drift isn't too out of character.

So much guilt. So much pain. So much regret. I feel these things as I stand in front of you. Your once vibrant face so full of emotion, long since grayed. Luminous optics with an ever present happiness that never seemed to waver. What I would give to see those optics shine bright once more. To see that achingly beautiful smile that could warm the coldest of sparks as it did mine.

 You were the only other mech to see me as an actual person. When you looked at me you didn't see an addict, a gutter mech, a pleasure bot, or a ruthless killer. You saw a bot who was lost, wandering aimlessly trying to find his place in this universe. You looked at me not with pity, but hope. You saw a potential in me that had long been cast aside and over looked by others including myself. I can only hope to one day live up to the vision you saw for me. 

You were strong, skilled, and confident while having compassion for others. You taught me that compassion and strength could  coexist in harmony. That one does not have to sacrifice another's well being for the sake of their own objective. That with the right motivation and understanding of another's intentions, a common goal could be achieved through a synergistic relationship, not just through violence and force of will.   
You taught me that there was another way. 

I wish that I had not been so blind to these things while you were still online. Many times I took you for granted. I was bitter and resentful towards you for holding me captive in a city full of what I thought at the time were cowards. I was too busy comparing the differences between us and our circumstances, positively convinced that there was no way you could have possibly understood where I was coming from, what I had been through. I scoffed at your beliefs, thinking them soft hearted, too much in the likeness of my enemies. Worse of all was the fact that I had despised you for besting me at the one thing I had prided myself in above all others. The one thing that made me feel alive, like I had any kind of purpose. I was more focused on winning when we sparred than actually absorbing the new techniques you were teaching me. You had wounded my pride and had left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. 

My thoughts were only of escaping the prison you had so affectionately named your paradise. Getting back to the war was the only thing I could focus on at the time. Your city be damned for all I cared if it meant my freedom. I sold you out to the the slave trader Braid in exchange for the chance of finally getting off that Primus forsaken planet and back to where I was needed. After all, what higher validation of appreciation towards my war efforts could I have received than Megatron himself sending Lockdown to retrieve me? I needed to prove to Megatron that his trust in my abilities and loyalty to the Decepticon cause was well warranted. Or maybe I needed to prove it to myself?

But then when I came back to the city you confronted me. Then I asked you why even though you were Knight, you still chose to break the rules. Then when you repeated what you said when we first met and then said you did it because you thought it was right.  I realized you were different from your fellow Knights. You were fighting for what you thought was right, to make a difference, just like I thought I had been with the Decepticons. That's when I finally realized I had made a very grave mistake. 

By then it was too late. The damage had already been done. The slave traders were on their way. I warned you all to try to make up for my betrayal. Even then you supported me. You who would have fought with me even if all the other Knights had decided against it, even when Dai Atlas himself had been vehemently against going into battle. 

You gave your very life to help defend the city you loved more than anything and in the end my idiotic pride had gotten you killed. 

When I saw the spear go through your spark, it was as if time had stopped for those few moments. It was Gasket's death all over again. I just lost the only other mech who had come to understand me and come to see something other than all my apparent faults. 

After Braid and his army were defeated Dai Atlas had told me to take your sword as a reminder of all I had achieved in New Crystal City. I wanted so desperately to decline. I was hardly worthy of such a valuable treasure that had meant so much to you. In the end I accepted because I knew you would have wanted me to. Since then, the very rare times that I have ended up wielding the great sword,  I swear I can feel your presence next to me. Even in death you look out for me. An ever watchful presence leading me with a gentle guiding hand. 

There are so many things that I regret. I regret not listening to you when I had the chance. I regret being stubborn, aggressive, and closed minded to your very different at the time philosophies. I regret being the reason you are no longer alive to spread your joy and wisdom to others. But what I regret the most is not being able to tell you any of this. 

You meant so much to me and I will never be able to express those feelings to you. It's been so long and yet I still find myself yearning for you. I yearn for the gentle caresses, kisses, and for the tender love filled interfaces that we will never get to experience. If only I had not been so blind to all of this when there was still time. 

Though I do regret many things, I understand that regret ultimately begets nothing. The cruel hands of fate cannot be twisted back in time. The path has already been set and there is no other choice but to move forward. 

Everyday I strive to become closer to the mech you saw hidden beneath all the hatred and pain that had consumed me. Though I can't help but feel as though I've fallen short somehow. There are still many times that the shadows threaten to shallow me whole. I carry with me too much guilt from my past. Both Rodimus and Ratchet have told me that I need to let go of the burden I carry, but I don't for fear of going back to what I once was. It serves as a constant reminder. I vowed to never go down that dark path again and that is a vow I intend to keep. 

In many ways I am vastly different from the mech you once knew, but in many ways I am still the same. I am still insecure. I am still ignorant to many things, and I am still trying to find somewhere I belong, even if that means not belonging to a faction. I thought I had found my place among the Autobots, and for a while I was content. The exile made me realize that perhaps my place isn't with the Autobots after all. I've  found that not being tied down to a faction and focusing on helping others is my true calling. I like to feel like I am making some kind of difference no matter how small. 

I often wonder if you were to see me now, would you be happy with what I have become? Would you be proud of me? Or would you be disappointed in me and say that I am hiding behind things like spirituality to try to ease some of the guilt I carry like Ratchet said? I can only hope it's the first one.

You look so peaceful with your hands crossed over your chest plate, optics blissfully shuttered. You are beautiful even in this way. I lightly run my hand across your cheek. My spark aches as I finally whisper the words of endearment to you that I had wanted to say millennia ago. The words you will never hear. 

"I love you, Wing." 

As The words leave my mouth I feel a warm energy come from my back. I realize it's coming from the sword. I reach behind me to withdraw it from the sheath and realize that the nexus crystal is glowing with pulsing energy. I feel the spark link and a shiver runs through me as I heard the whispered words in my head.

"Thank you, Drift."

I look over to your body and nothing has changed except maybe It's my imagination, but it looks like your lips are slightly upturned, almost as if you are smiling.

 


End file.
